Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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