Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
