It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Green mimosas i think yes
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
