So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
