doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
