halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
