If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
