Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
