Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
