You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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