I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
