I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
