She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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