I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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