If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
