we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
