If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
