He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize