And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Randomize
