6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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