Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
