Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I look better un-naked...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize