Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
True strength comes from lack of pants
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
