I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Randomize
