It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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