she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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