This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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