Do you still have your period?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
