I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize