I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
