I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
