My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
