I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
