There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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