I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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