i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
