Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
