You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
