Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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