Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Two words: blizzard sex
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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