turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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