So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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