I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
