Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
