So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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