whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
