whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
