Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
