The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
