i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
