ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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