it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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