now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize