My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
