Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
kristin has been a bad kristin
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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