she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
