woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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