You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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