Having a random hookup so left but love u
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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