why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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