How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
