I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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