3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
