I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize